What Goes On Here?
by Nerdherder51
Summary: In contemporary times, Vidia stumbled upon an ancient fairy magic that lets pixies take human size and form for up to twenty four hours once every week. With it she has found a human friend to have fun with, but now he wants to take things "all the way." What will she do? Satire / Parody / Humor. Rated T for moderately suggestive language. Vidia and OC. Ch. 2 now posted.
1. What Goes On Here?

**WHAT GOES ON HERE?**  
**A Humor Fanfic**

**Disclaimer: Vidia and Disney Fairies are the property of The Walt Disney Company. The following fan fiction is not for monetary gain. It is intended solely for the entertainment of its audience.**

**The character of Bobby Harrison is an original character and is owned by me.**

* * *

Vidia is visiting her human friend Bobby in his bedroom. He is sixteen years old and has the entire day to himself, it's Saturday. His mother is away at work and won't be home until at least seven in the evening. Perfect for he and Vidia to have some energetic and vigorous fun together.

"Oh my gosh that was exhausting," Vidia said, falling down onto his bed. She is breathing heavily and sweating profusely.

"Oh yeah," Bobby concurred. "That was the best yet, Vidia. You were awesome." Bobby lay down next to her and was breathing just as hard. He wiped the sweat from his brow. His SportsCenter t-shirt was soaked with perspiration creating a deep, darker colored V shape in the cloth.

"Well of course, darling. I'm always awesome," she replied smugly between gasps of air.

"I'm so glad my mom's not home," Bobby said. "She would kill me if she knew I had a girl up here. Particularly one as hot as you."

"Hmmph. Are you human boys always that afraid of your mothers?"

"Only when they can take away our car keys and cut off our allowances," Bobby replied.

"Well, I guess you're not the person I'm looking for if you that afraid of your 'Mommy'," Vidia sneered.

"Now what's that supposed to mean?" he asked her.

"It means I'm looking for my equal, someone who can challenge me at every turn and you're just not him," she said. "Just like the last boy I was with. He couldn't keep up and his equipment was just too small. I thought you would be different."

"Oh I'm different, alright, Vidia," Bobby said confidently. "Don't confuse being afraid of mom with being weak. If I was that afraid of her, I wouldn't be doing this with you. I would just follow her rules like a good little boy and twiddle my thumbs until she came home."

"Oooh, sounds like you might have some backbone after all," Vidia answered in her usual snarky way. "Care to show me what you've really got?"

"I am all for that," Bobby replied enthusiastically.

"Good, let's take things up a notch and see if you have what I want," Vidia said.

"Enough pussy-footing around. Let's make this really interesting and go all the way," Bobby said.

"'All the way?' I don't think you can handle me, dearie," Vidia sneered again.

"Hah, it's me you have to worry about. No one is better at this than Bobby Harrison," he answered. "No one."

"Really?" she said trying not to sound impressed, which she wasn't.

"Yes, really. I've done this more than anyone in this town and I've got the big cojones to prove it," he said challenging her again.

Vidia sat up, rolled over and lay astride Bobby. She put her face right up to his and said, "Well then, let's just see how big these cojones of yours really are."

"Uh, Vidia, you're a fairy. You do know what cojones are, right?"

Vidia just glared at him. She put her knee on his crotch and said. "I know exactly what they are and I intend to break yours into tiny…little…pieces."

"I would love to see you try," he said.

"Anytime you're ready, little man," she answered him, tweaking his nose for good measure.

"Then why don't we get to it?" he replied. "But be warned, I'm going to leave you gasping for breath and begging me for mercy. But I won't stop. I'm just going to keep on pushing until I make you scream."

"Big talk from a sixteen year old," Vidia replied. "I just hope you like living on your knees, because that's where you're going to be when I'm done with you. You'll be out of breath and out of luck. I'll be moving on to find someone who can really satisfy me. Someone with truly 'big cojones'."

"I'm right here, sweetheart, and I'm more than you can ever handle."

"NOT! You'll be screaming for your mommy."

"You're going down," Bobby told her boldly.

"You first," she countered.

Vidia and Bobby leapt up from his bed and readied themselves. She took off her shirt, leaving her with just a purple sports bra and blue denim jeggings. Bobby stripped of his shirt and went topless, with just blue jeans and a beaded necklace he wore for good luck. Vidia noticed his strong build and excellent muscle tone. She was impressed. But not enough to ever feel threatened by this poser.

After a moment to make ready they stared at each other, as if sizing the other up for what was about to come next. Then they engaged in a little more trash talking.

"Last chance to back out," he told her.

"What's wrong, honey? Chickening out so soon? I thought you were made of sterner stuff."

"You'll found out just how stern my stuff can be."

"Well then, got your little joystick ready?"

"I've got my BIG joystick ready!"

"Let's get started, I can't wait to eat you alive," Vidia replied with a superior tone.

"Don't choke," he said.

"Oh I can swallow anything you throw at me," she answered him.

Vidia and Bobby stood toe to toe, like two prize fighters ready for the winning bout. They each stared into the other's eyes looking for weakness or fear. Neither found it in the other. Vidia was surprised, she thought Bobby would tremble at the thought of going all the way. Maybe he wasn't full of hot air after all. She smiled, finally someone who could hold her attention. Not like that last kid, who could never go more than a few minutes at a time and needed longer to recover. Even his junk was just like him, small and pathetic.

Bobby was different, she could tell. His confident swagger came from knowing he could actually do it, not just pretending he could.

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**(Okay, so what's going on here? If you care to check your answers just scroll down and read on.)**

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"Ready?" he asked, a supremely confident smile on his face.

"Ready," she said, an equally confident smile on her own. "Do it."

Bobby pressed a button on the joystick that sent a wireless signal to his Xbox 360 Console. A thunderous sound filled the room. It came from his 1000 watt, 7.1 digital audio surround sound system with 12 inch tower speakers and a 15 inch subwoofer.

"Vidia vs. Bobby" read the screen on his gigantic 80 inch, Sharp Aquos Quattron LED television. "Level 10." The game was set all the way to its most difficult level.

"**MAXIMUM OVERLOAD**," came a booming voice which then announced, "**DANCE OR DIE**!"

Pulsating, thumping, window rattling music blasted through Bobby's bedroom. Vidia and Bobby both leapt into action, jumping and bouncing around. The screen showed arrows pointing in one of eight compass directions. The two were dancing on mats with nine squares and matching arrows on the eight outer squares, touching the corresponding arrow that appeared on the screen. Behind the on screen arrows were gyrating, polygon characters and strobe lights intended to create the atmosphere of a discotheque.

Vidia loved this game when played with someone of her own caliber. She hoped that Bobby would be that person. Now she was going to find out. Hopefully, that would happen before his mommy got home.

* * *

**Yes, that's right, it is a dance video game. What did you think they were talking about?**

**You people have such dirty minds! ;)**

**Author's note: Please don't spoil the ending in the reviews. Thank you.  
**


	2. Mother Is Home

**Mother Is Home**

Okay, I know that this was supposed to be a one shot story, but the premise offered a few more humorous ideas.

So here is the continuing story of Bobby and Vidia.

* * *

"Bobby, I'm home," Mildred Harrison announced as she walked into the house through the back door. She was carrying a bag with boxes of take out Chinese Food. She waited for her son to come bounding down the stairs. His favorite was chicken chow mien from Mr. Wong's Chinese Restaurant, a local eatery that most agreed had the best Chinese take out in town. Along with the chow mien, she brought him an order of crab meat rangoon and some won ton soup.

"Bobby? Are you home?" she called out again. The light outside was fading at 7:45 in the evening. Bobby had his driver's license and the keys to Mrs. Harrison's automobile, but she had the car during her shift at the trauma ward. Bobby had an old ten speed that he used when he couldn't use the car, but it was still in the garage. He should be home, unless one of his "girlfriends" came by to pick him up. Unlikely, though, since he was grounded and couldn't leave the house except for school or with his mother.

Mildred went upstairs to check on her son. "If he's disobeyed me and gone out with someone I'm going to kill him. Then I'm going to bring him back to life so I can kill him again."

She went to his bedroom door and opened it. When she went inside she found her son, Bobby, fast asleep on his bed wearing only his pants. This would have been sweet except that he was spooning up against an attractive young girl with long, black hair who was dressed only in a purple sports bra and blue jeggings.

"BOBBY!" she screamed.

"DYAH" he yelled, bolting straight out of bed.

The young girl next to him just about launched herself out of the bed and onto the floor. "I'm up! I'm up, where's the hawk?" she yelled.

"BOBBY, GET UP THIS INSTANT!" Mrs. Harrison bellowed at him.

"MOM! What are you doing back so early?" he asked her, sounding totally discombobulated.

"Early? It's nearly eight o'clock!" she told him. Mrs. Harrison then went to the girl, took her by the arm roughly and pulled her up to the desk chair. "Who are you and what are doing with my little boy?"

"Mom, I'm sixteen, I'm not your little boy anymore," he told her.

"And that makes it okay for you to have sex with this tramp?!"

"Hey! I'm not a tramp," the girl protested. She spoke with a smokey voice that made her sound older than she looked.

"Mom, we were not having sex," Bobby tried to tell his mother. "We were just playing video games."

"What kind of video game do you play while curled up naked in bed together?"

"We were playing DANCE OR DIE!" he told her. "It's a game where you tap your feet on those mats on the floor. It's a dancing game. We must have gotten tired and fallen asleep. And we aren't naked."

"Oh you were tapping something alright," Mrs. Harrison said angrily. Then she turned back to the girl. She still held the brunette's arm tightly in her hand. "How old are you, anyway? Twenty five? Thirty? My son is sixteen. What's wrong, you can't find men your own age, so you've decided to seduce my son? You should be ashamed of yourself."

"I'm not twenty five or thirty," the girl said.

"If you say you're forty I will bitch slap you into the next century," Mrs. Harrison threatened. "What is your name anyway?"

"It's Vidia," the girl said.

"Vidia what?" Mrs. Harrison asked.

"Just Vidia," the girl answered.

"That's not an answer," Mrs. Harrison yelled.

"Mom, her name is Vidia, that's all you need to know," Bobby said. "You'll have to forgive Mom, she's a big fan of Judge Judy."

"Ulysses Robert Harrison, Jr., your in hot enough water as it is so I suggest you shut up!" Mrs. Harrison said, yelling at him.

"Ulysses?" Vidia said with an amused look. "Wow, how do you not get beat up at school?"

"He doesn't. And for your information, Bobby is named after two presidents," Mrs. Harrison shrieked. "Now, Ms. Vidia 'and I'm too cool for a last name,' do us all a favor and PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!"

Vidia grabbed her shirt and slipped it on over her sports bra. She got up to leave, but Mrs. Harrison shoved her back down into the chair. "Alright, Ms. Vidia, what in the hell were you doing in my son's bedroom, laying on his bed, with only a brassiere?"

"MOM! Nothing happened?"

"That's enough out of you, Bobby!" his mother yelled. She turned her attention back to Vidia.

"I have never heard of anyone with a name like that," Mrs. Harrison started. "It sounds like a name a hooker would use. OH MY GOD, Bobby you didn't hire a hooker did you? Because I'm not paying for a hooker!"

"Mom, she's not a hooker," Bobby answered.

Vidia got a deliciously mischievous look on her face. "Yeah, that's it. I'm a hooker, and a good one at that. You owe me fifteen hundred dollars because we did everything. And he was good, too!"

Mrs. Harrison was not amused. She slapped Vidia so hard, the brunette nearly fell out of her chair to the floor. "Don't you dare talk about my son like that!"

"MOM!" Bobby yelled. "Stop! She's just playing with you."

Vidia didn't like being slapped and lunged for Mrs. Harrison. Bobby had to jump in the middle to keep the two women apart.

"I'm calling the police," Mrs. Harrison roared. "And you had better pack your bags, young man, because you'll be working on the oil rig with your father as soon as school is out."

Mrs. Harrison went for the phone to dial 911. Bobby, however, leapt over the bed and grabbed the telephone away from her.

"You give that phone back to me right now, mister," his mother ordered, pointing a finger at him.

"Mom, she is not a hooker, alright?" he said. "Vidia's just being a smartass, like me. Now listen, okay? We didn't have sex. Vidia and I played a dancing game on the XBox 360 and we spent so much time playing it that we got tired and fell asleep on the bed. That's all, nothing else happened."

"And now that I'm here, nothing else better happen," Mrs. Harrison said.

"Oh for crying out loud, Mom," Bobby said exasperated. "Why do you always think the worst of me?"

"Why? _Why?_ You got thrown off the JV football team for talking back to the coach. Then you were suspended from school last year for fighting with one of the students. And last week you got caught shoplifting."

"Wow, you do have some big cojones," Vidia said.

"You shut up!" Mrs. Harrison roared at her. "And as for you, Bobby, I'm calling Mr. Wilson. All this stuff your father bought for you: the television, video game console, Blu-Ray and sound system, all of it is going back."

"What? No, I need that."

Mrs. Harrison just glared at Bobby. It was that death stare that could fell even the strongest of men.

"Whoa!" Vidia breathed. She had never seen anything like it. She felt as if someone burned a hole through her stomach.

"As for you, little miss sports bra, you get your butt out of my house this instant," Mrs. Harrison said harshly. "And if I see you even so much as look in my Bobby's general direction I'll kick your ass so hard they'll have to surgically remove my shoe...from your mouth. Understood?"

The slim and attractive brunette stood up from the desk chair, took her shoes from the floor and left the room. Mrs. Harrison followed her down the stairs and to the front door to make sure the girl left the house. Vidia opened the door to leave, but Mrs. Harrison slammed the door shut. Seething with anger, the furious parent looked Vidia right in the eye and hissed, "What happened up there? And don't lie to me."

"Just what Bobby said," Vidia told her. "We played DANCE OR DIE for several hours. We must have passed out from the exhaustion. I'm not interested in having sex with Bobby. He's not my type."

"Just what is your type, Miss Vidia?"

"Someone..., older."

"And just how old are you?" Mrs. Harrison asked.

Vidia couldn't give her real age, two hundred and fifty five years. Bobby's mother wouldn't believe it. Vidia couldn't reveal herself as a fairy because she would end up a science experiment. So she fibbed a little. "I'm nineteen."

"Finally, a straight answer. How about we try for two? What is your interest in my son?"

"Your son is the only person I've met who can play DANCE OR DIE! as well as I can," she said. "I'm one of the very best at it. I know because I've retired a lot of posers."

Mrs. Harrison studied the young girl. She looked like she could have been nineteen, but her voice sounded older. As for the rest of her answer, well, Mrs. Harrison would take care of that right now. "If you show up at my door in nine months with a baby I'll slap your happy ass in jail for statutory rape and put the baby up for adoption. Is that clear?"

"You won't have to worry," Vidia replied defiantly, "because I won't." Mrs. Harrison threw open the door. The slim brunette walked out into the twilight, the house's security light illuminating the front lawn.

"How are going to get home?" Mrs. Harrison asked. She wasn't concerned for Vidia's safety. Instead, Mrs. Harrison wanted to make sure the girl would leave and never come back.

"I can do just fine on my own," Vidia shot back. With that last exchange Mrs. Harrison slammed shut the front door, leaving Vidia to her own devices. Vidia reached into her jeggings' pocket and removed the scroll that would allow her to return to her fairy form and Pixie Hollow. Before she could use it, however, Vidia heard Bobby's voice calling to her.

"Vidia," he whispered loudly. "Vidia!"

She looked up at the second floor dormer window. Bobby sat in the open window and tossed her something before ducking back inside. Vidia picked up what turned out to be a crumpled up piece of paper. She opened it and it read:

_Vidia,_

_That was fun! My mother was so steamed. LOL! Don't take her too seriously. Mom is way too overprotective of her one and only. _

_Meet you at the Chester A. Arthur High School library in thirty days. (That's when the warden will let me out. I know her so well.)_

_-Bobby_

_P.S. Will you go to the Prom with me next year?_

Vidia just sighed. Her only real interest in Bobby had been his ability to play DANCE OR DIE! But after learning about his history and seeing how slickly he defied his mother, maybe there could be another reason.

* * *

**So, should Vidia accept, or just leave Bobby alone? **


End file.
